today i want to share another piece of advice from the great gabby bernstein about accepting people where they are. (spoiler: i’m gonna talk about expectations…again).

as i’ve written probably one too many times, it’s natural to have expectations of the people we know and love. but when those aren’t met, resentment can breed and fester, thereby putting a strain on our relationships. so our best bet is to endeavor to accept those closest to us (and maybe not so close) as they are, without expectation and with unconditional love. as gabby says, this enables us to let go and forgive, and does both parties a huge favor. but of course, there’s a caveat: if one is in any kind of abusive relationship, that doesn’t mean he/she should stick around or endure painful or harmful behavior. it just means that person should be able to see the reality of the situation and say, “this isn’t healthy or right for me. i accept this person who has hurt me and wish him/her the best, but i won’t stick around and continue to suffer.” so extremely important: acceptance DOES NOT mean putting up with behavior that you don’t deserve or that doesn’t match your vibration (thank you law of attraction!)

since gabby says it best, here it is straight from the horse’s mouth (or rather, blog): “accept people where they are. even if they’re not showing up the way you want them to. or treating you the way you want. when you can accept someone where they are, you can let go and forgive. that might mean you repair the relationship. or it might mean you walk away, but with a sense of peace instead of anger.” a- to-the-men.

 

i am all about the perspective and gratitude as of late. but like most of us, i sometimes forget to look on the bright side of things. like this past weekend, for example: my mom’s birthday was on saturday (which coincided with the holiday weekend) so my family had plans to go to our beach house. we haven’t all been there together since last summer, so needless to say we were all looking forward to getting away. our time out there is always so nice and low key and mostly consists of spending time at the beach, cooking meals together, sipping rosé, and watching movies borrowed from the library (old school, i know. but i love it). but my mom has been sick for nearly two weeks now (nothing too serious thank god!); she thought she’d be able to fend her ailment off long enough to enjoy the long weekend, but when it came time to head out to the beach, she still just felt too sick. so we were forced to call the whole thing off. i was feeling crotchety and having fomo, thinking about how just about everyone else was at the beach soaking up the sun. in the end though i was just happy to be home with my family, celebrating another year of my mom’s beautiful life (while still secretly wishing we were doing all this at our beach house!)

then on sunday i heard news that a friend’s mom had died. she’d had breast cancer a few years ago, but after chemo and radiation had received a clean bill of health. then, as cancer is wont to do, it came back with a vengeance. within weeks, she was gone. just like that.

i thought of how my mom’s way less serious condition had cramped my style, and felt guilty for being remotely bothered by having my holiday weekend “ruined”. i was able to appreciate the incredible blessing of simply still having a mom. it’s a crude reality that my mom is getting up there, and it’s not unusual for people her age to contract life-threatening illnesses (god forbid!) i’ve already lost one parent, so i’m acutely aware of how fragile life is and how much the loss hurts (in case you haven’t experienced it, it’s basically like someone ripped your heart out of your chest and stomped on it.) that being said, i’m not prepared to lose my existing parent any time soon. so i’m saying it here: she can cramp my style as much as she wants, as long as she doesn’t go anywhere anytime soon.

so if you’re lucky enough to still have a parent (better yet, both!) maybe take a moment to say hi and “i love you”. i know i’m going to do it right now.